he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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