I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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