u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
