I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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