i think my mom watched the whole time
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she peed on how many people?
i came on her dog
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
