So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
