Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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