is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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