just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
