garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
