Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
