I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
