Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
