He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
