you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm too high and old for this...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
