true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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