So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
