you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
