I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize