Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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