Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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