Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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