You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
