i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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