When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like eating out sand paper
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
