I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We're too hungover to prance.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
