he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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