she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize