Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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