Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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