I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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