I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
