I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
