he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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