we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
