Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
