Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
