I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
