You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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