this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
