how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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