Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
