You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
