he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
