What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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