there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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