I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
