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HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
