Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
