You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it hurts more in the daytime
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
