all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
