An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
