Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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