first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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