i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
