did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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