dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
