Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
