What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
