Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
wow bdsm is so cute
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