Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize