he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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