Screwed.edu
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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