I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
