Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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