Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
