i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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