he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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